The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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