He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
