he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
