I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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