Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
