Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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