So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
