similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
