My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
