we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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