I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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