I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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