Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
