Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
