I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize