That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
