I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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