3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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