We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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