He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
