im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
