he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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