I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
