ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
