I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
