Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
