You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
