and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
