just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Boobs are out for the taking
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
