the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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