4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize