So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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