Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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