white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
