But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
