just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize