I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
