I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
