some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
