Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
