You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
