My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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