I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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