My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need water and some morals
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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