i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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