I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
