We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
