Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
