Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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