the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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