If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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