i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
