Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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