I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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