Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
