You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
