i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize