When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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