Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
