i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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