For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
