Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
