i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We're using joints as your birthday candles
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
