i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
