thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
