I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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