This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
