Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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