I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
