I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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